(The Saga of Caveman Hom, Episode 3)
Since big meeting two day pass. Me still worry. Wife, Gel, see worried face, she ask what wrong. But me lie, say ‘Nothing wrong.’ Gel know I lie. She give look. But she not ask more, just cook breakfast. Gel know me. She not need fight me, just let me think. Me talk when ready.
After eat me take net, go river catch fish. Me see other man, name Foo, he sit by water. Me greet, go sit with Foo. Me put net in river, wait fish. We quiet. But me thinking: Foo at big meeting, but he stay quiet. So me ask Foo, ‘What you think? You like idea Chief rules?’
Foo say ‘Me not sure. Some rules silly. But need rules. Me like idea hit bad women with stick. Women big problem – always talking, laughing, make fun men. Me not like. Bad women always plotting. If hit with stick, stop trouble! No more laughing, only obey. This good. Me like.’
Me say, ‘No need hit women with stick. So what women laugh men? Some men silly – it true! If women make joke, no problem. Me like laugh.’
But Foo not like this. He wag finger, say, ‘You forget rule: women not funny. Funny is men-only. Women not laugh men, only men laugh women.’
Me think rule silly, but not want fight Foo. Me want catch fish. Me check net – empty. So me change subject, say, ‘What you think man who say he woman – name Tra? You like? You think he woman? You want Chief make Tra King of Women?’
Foo say, ‘Yes, he woman. Why not make King?’
Me say, ‘Because he not woman! How can Tra be woman? He man! He have bulge in loincloth! Big hands! He have willy! Man not woman, man man. Me think you confused.’
Foo say, ‘Me not confused. Me just very clever. You not know some woman have willy? You stupid. It fact.’
Then Foo, reach down, open fishing bag. He rummage, then pull out worm! He hold worm in hand, he show me. ‘See worm?’ He say. Worm wiggle.
‘Me see worm,’ me say. ‘What point?’
Foo say, ‘Worm have no willy. No worm have willy. But still, two worm have sex, make baby.’
Me still not see point. But Foo explain. He say he big expert on worm. He study many years, make big discovery! He say all baby worm same – all girl! When worm grow up, worm find other worm. If find girl worm, he grow willy! If find boy worm, no need. Then worm have sex.
Foo put down worm, say, ‘Worm sex good proof man can be woman. So if Tra say he woman, he woman. Why not? It just like worm.’
Me stare Foo. Me not believe he say this – maybe he crazy!? Me not want make Foo angry, so me careful, speak quiet. ‘But Tra is man,’ me say. ‘Not worm.’
Foo say, ‘Me not stupid. Me know Tra not worm! Me not say Tra is worm. Me say he woman.’
‘But Tra is not woman,’ me say. ‘Tra have willy! He man!’
Now Foo laughing. ‘You so silly! You think sex simple! Me show worm, try teach worm sex life, but you not learn. You hopeless.’
Me not expert on worm. But me know worm is worm. Worm is not woman. Only woman is woman. If Foo not know this he spend too long with worm instead of woman. Maybe he lonely.
Then water ripple, net twitch – success! Me lucky, catch big fish. Me leave. Foo not catch. He stay.
Me gather wood for fire. Me find mushrooms, me pick. Me also gather berries, nuts, edible leaves. Me dig up few turnips for make thick mash. Then me take all back to cave for cooking. All time, me thinking – what happen Foo? What go wrong? Maybe he eat bad mushroom? Me not know.
Me arrive at cave. Children run up, laughing, smiling! See fish, see berries – so happy! Wife Gel hear laughter, she come see. Big hugs, much kissing. Children giggle. Me look Gel eyes, much loving. She trust me.
And now me decide. Me need tell Gel about big men meeting.